JOURNEY BACK TO SELF:

The blog

Reflections with Rachele 

 

I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

I just loved you in the way I thought I was supposed to. I loved you in the way I was praised for giving love as a child- being helpful, solving problems, relieving stress, supporting emotionally...and this translated to me being a parent and resenting you for being the child.


I’m sorry.


I now know this dynamic is incredibly sexy to those who have a neglected inner-child. The over-functioner loves having the role of the parent, the under-functioner loves being the child...


I didn’t realize this isn’t a partnership.

I didn’t realize I didn’t know how to be a partner. I didn’t realize I didn’t trust my dad to take care of me. I was under the impression all men needed taking care of, so I did that, until I burnt out time and time again, resentful because I couldn’t receive the love you were trying to give me.


The little girl in me just wanted to trust her dad.

The little boy in you just wanted his mom’s love.


We both co-created a dynamic that is all too common...and often labelled as the narcissist & empath...when in truth it’s our wounds bonding.


Now I am awake. Now I see. Now I understand how to trust your masculine energy. Now I understand how to trust my feminine energy. Now I know what partnership truly can feel like...full of ease, trust, reciprocity, self-responsibility, mutual support and respect.


I invite you to look in the mirror and ask, am I truly feeling angry at him for not doing anything around the house, or am I angry with myself for taking on the “mother role” for so many years?



Want to reignite healthy sexual polarity in your partnership? What to understand and learn how to feel safe with the masculine again? Perhaps you want to dive deep into why you over-functioned in relationships...do not hesitate to reach out. I'd love to support your journey to reconnecting to self, and your inner feminine, inner masculine and inner child who needs a little extra love!







Sad in Bed

Dear Sensitive Heart,

I wish I could tell you all feelings you’ll eventually make sense of.

I wish I could tell you that all feelings end up finding a resolve and one day you’ll be “trigger-less.”

I wish I could tell you will understand your whole-self once you understand your feelings...

But the truth is, feelings don’t always make sense. Feelings aren’t always resolved, and you may not ever understand why you feel the way you do...

What I can tell you is this: feeling your feelings fully (yes, meaning all in, getting messy, being present and open to what is arising) does get easier. The edge of your comfort zone with your feelings will soften once you accept, that you, in fact, are a human with feelings. No logic to what they are, you simply FEEL.

Once you accept your feelings you in turn accept your inner child, and once you accept your inner child you can surrender with strength into trusting your body to do what it needs to do to release your emotions, instead of relying on your brain to make sense of things.

What do you feelings have to do with your inner child?

Tears

Anxiety gets triggered when we are feeling uncomfortable, uneasy, perhaps overwhelmed and instead of moving the emotion through the body, we pop into our head to try to solve it, fix it or change it. What you are saying to your inner child when you do this is

You’re doing something wrong, you are bad and I need to fix you so that you don’t feel this way ever again.”

Here is the surprising thing to most: you are a feelings machine up until about 9yrs old. All you do is feel. Your identity is wrapped up in how you feel...imagine telling a child that they were bad for being anxious? Imagine telling a child that their anger is wrong? Oh wait- we do do that. Hmmm....seeing a pattern here?

Humans raising humans. Most people are so uncomfortable with their own emotions, they can’t handle a human who is in their heart, body, and able to freely express emotion. It triggers them!! So what happens? As a kid, you get punished, sent to your room or simply ignored when you might be really scared, hurt or sad. This tells your inner kid you can never ever be sad because it’s not safe, it means abandonment, or worse, punishment.

So what if you stopped punishing yourself for feeling anxious and just accepted that it’s something that arises when you’re feeling a little unsure, unsafe, or overwhelmed? What if you talked to your anxiety like you wish you were have spoken to as a child...

“It’s ok to be scared, I am here for you.”

“What you’re feeling right now is a little angry, and that makes sense because it’s so frustrating when you don’t get what you want!”

“You are loved always, no matter how you show up.”

“I am here, it’s ok to lean on me when you’re feeling sad”

“I love you. You’re gonna be ok.”

"I can see you are sad. What do you need right now?"

Try reconnecting to your inner child and see what they have to tell you. What did they need to hear in order to feel safe, seen, loved, and accepted?

When you connect to the your inner child, you start to reconnect to yourself.

Your inner child is your subconscious and directly related to your nervous system. Since you created most of your core beliefs in those for 9-10yrs of your life when you didn't have the frontal lobe (logic brain) developed yet, these beliefs don't usually "make sense." This is why, when feeling feelings we need to allow all the feels to flow. AFTER you've felt fully is often when the clarity comes, not DURING.

When you're feeling anxious, angry, panic or just sad try to just sit in it. Ride the wave without a story or any judgement from your mind. Let your body do what it needs to do. Once this is complete, then sit with a journal and start to unpack what the trigger was.

If you're still struggling with feelings and processing your triggers, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I am here to help you reconnect with yourself, feel into your body safely, and feel empowered in your everyday.


DO you realize how much choice you have?

When we are children, we have no choice but to listen to our parents, go where they want to go, eat what they want to eat...you get it. You can rebel all you want but ultimately you don’t have a choice- we listen to our parents. The funny thing is, sometimes we forget that we take this same mentality into adulthood... “My boss is making me go to this retreat...If I don’t go to this event my friends will be mad...I have to stay living in this dump of a place because the city is to expensive...” you name it- we emphasize the lack of choice. The irony of it all, is when we feel stuck, we perpetuate powerlessness, and yet, every single day we forget we are making a CHOICE. No choice is a choice. I don’t know is a choice. When you go through the mundane motions of life, you are making a choice. You are saying yes to being numb, or saying yes to no change. Do you realize stuck is a choice? When you focus your attention on the choices you are making daily- simple things from; I want to style my hair this way, to I picked my favourite shirt today, to I’ll have an iced mocha...you start to realize how much POWER you really do have. When you realize your power you nullify stuck, and you minimize anxiety’s need for control. Look at your day and OWN your choices. The most powerful choice you can make when you wake, “How do I want to feel today?” And just CHOOSE!

I invite you to look, what are you saying yes to? And what or who are you saying no to.

If this feels paralizing and you'd like some support in decision making, anxiety coping skills or if you just feel stuck, message me! We can work through and help you get unstuck super fast!