If self-care feels like a chore, STOP. Self-care should not feel like another “have-to”, get you talking in “shoulds” or make yo feel pressure or guilt for not doing it. Now, I hear the self-care gurus (me included in this) saying “What the?! I thought self-care requires discipline, routine and consistency?!” To that, I want to say, “Yes, and...” **If you don’t get energized, uplifted, inspired by your self-care it’s no longer self-care it’s actually self-betrayal 😬 **If control, structure and regimented routine is a trauma response, stop forcing self-care and make a conscious choice to go with the flow 🌊 **If you feel guilt, shame, or pressure for NOT doing self-care, just pause and reevaluate 🤔 Maybe the first time you heard the concept of self-care and implemented it you felt amazing. You created your list, you did your salt baths, morning routine and made space for yoga...and here is something to think about- how long ago did you make that self-care list? 5yrs ago, 6 months ago? 2 months ago? If you are on a conscious healing journey, you are ever changing -your needs are included in this! Maybe yoga helped you a lot 1yr ago, and maybe now the thing you’re seeking is rest...so try giving yourself permission to sleep in. Aligned self-care is expansive and comes from a space of freedom, adaptability and most importantly, inspiration. You will feel good doing it from this place. The only time discipline comes in is when you feel unmotivated and are coping with distraction mechanisms to avoid doing the thing you know you want to do. (Read that again 😉) Part two requires discernment: listing to self and sensing into self, while getting curious about what the answer might be! Throw out the rule book. Give yourself the freedom to cultivate a MOMENT BY MOMENT self-care plan. Know what you enjoy AND in moments of stress, healing, intention pause. Take 3-5 feel breaths while grounding your feet and ask your body “What do I need right now?” ⬅️THIS is self-care. This is self-love. This is self-worth. This is self-trust. This is how, we truly connect back in during our Journey Back To Self.
When you feel feelings & do not express yourself you are teaching your body and heart it doesn’t matter, you are telling your intuition/worth to you don’t trust it and you are treating your inner child like she is invisible.
And, if you were the nice girl, the adaptable partner, the easy going friend or the coworker everyone loves, you are probably a PRO and minimizing how you feel for the sake of others- especially your anger.
Anger is a normal emotion. Not negative, not scary, not bad, not wrong...
However, if you were traumatized by someone else’s anger, if you were traumatized by continually being shut down when you were angry as a child...anger doesn’t feel safe. Familiar = safe. If you physically were never allowed to express anger, it feels terrifying to your nervous system because it’s unknown. If you had a parent act our anger in a destructive way anger could feel wrong, bad or simply something you would “never do” because you were hurt by it. I GET how anger can feel NOT OK. Yet, the lack of self-expression in childhood can end up morphing into: burn-out, chronic pain, fatigue, depression & anxiety. This lack of expression outward, makes you act inward causing yourself pain. How can you safely let out anger? When you feel even the smallest of frustrations arise, remove yourself from the situation and let it out.
This can look like:
kicking a wall
punching a pillow
screaming into your scarf
sprinting around the block
blasting music and head banging -hitting your mattress with a bat
twist a towel super tight while making noise
Emotions are PHYSICAL and stored in our physical body/nervous system. When you do not express them in a healthy way, they will, 99.9% of time manifest into anxiety (often times after a period of suppression /depression). If you complain about feeling taken advantage of, always being obligated, are sarcastic/passive aggressive, are tired all the time, have road rage...you may have some stuck anger. Trust your body’s cues. It is talking to you. Trust in your capacity to let anger out safely. This in turn, will take the anger decibel level from 10 eventually down to 0.
If you are struggling or scared of your own inner anger you’re not alone. I hear you. I feel you.
Anger is an emotion I didn’t let myself feel for year and years. I always went to sadness because it was “safe.”...until I learned to express my anger and to use it as fuel for passion, I would shut it down. Swallow it...and for me, it turned into chronic fatigue and chronic pain. Your feelings matter. ALL OF THEM. If you want support learning how to express yourself do not hesitate to reach out. I am here for you and you don’t have to go it alone.