Healing The Roles We "Play" From Childhood
When I reflect back, I see how I showed up, and I see why things happened the way they did.
I wasn’t taught this by any means, but as a girl, I believed it was my job to make mom and dad happy (aka less stressed so they’d have more time for me). As I got older I loved having a role, and I thought it’s what gave me validation, love and acceptance.
Some of these roles were:
1. The problem solver- the one who comes up with new ideas and solutions to take care of others
2. The responsible one- motherly energy that left me feeling in charge of others lives, and the only one able to love them
3. The loyalist- never ever ever give up on someone, no matter how bad they treat you because you can love them out of their trauma 😬
4. The yes person- terrified to say no, boundary-less, need-less and adaptable, the nice one people wanted to be around
5. The listener- I listen to you, in hopes that you’ll ask me questions about me. Wise and mature for my age, hearing people’s concerns gave me a sense of purpose
6. The good girl- Polite, nice, kind, and constantly making sure everyone else is happy, ok, and pleased with me. Following the rules equalled praise, so make sure not to be disobedient.
All of these roles didn’t let me find me. My life was so externalized I didn’t have a sense of myself. So I over-functioned in relationships (which stemmed from a fear of loss) and was rooted in a mistrust of my caregiver's capacity to give me what I needed, despite them trying their best.
Moving into relationships I ended up emasculating my partners; leaving me in a chronic state of burnout. I was bitter and frustrated because I was give give giving but never receiving.
A common misconception in this realization was often “he is selfish.” When in turn I needed to look in the mirror and say “I didn’t express myself or my needs. I didn’t know what I wanted. I was giving in hopes of getting in return, even if that was unconscious.” <— that is the hard truth to admit. That is why reconnecting to my inner child and healing my mother and father's wounds alongside reconnecting to my feminine essence was such powerful healing for me.
This journey is underneath 99% of the work I do with clients. I teach you how to truly care for you, so you can let love in, ask for what you desire, let your body receive, reconnect to play and pleasure so that you feel ALIVE AGAIN.