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Is It A Red Flag Or Your Trauma?

Things that your past traumas or triggers could consider a dating red flag:

  • They do not remember when to text you when you requested they do

  • They say " I'm not ready" but not breaking up with you

  • A shift in their sex drive

  • You're attracted to them most of the time but when you feel calm you get bored.

When you don’t feel safe, you look for continued proof that the person you’re with is not safe too. It's important to realize that safety comes from WITHIN. Until you chose to heal with a coach or therapist when you are single, you will keep repeating the patterns in your nervous system from your past that create triggers for you.

So let me debunk these few statements:

  • If they don’t text you when you asked, it could simply be absent-mindedness, they’re busy, or you didn’t communicate how important this need was of yours. If you want to continue to date this person, it's worth learning how to regulate your nervous system when they don’t text back right away

  • If they aren’t ready but they aren’t ending it, that doesn’t mean they’re not worth dating. Instead of getting scared, ask them why they’re afraid. Talk to them and uncover why they might be feeling overwhelmed. Often there are a lot of decisions based on assumptions in early dating. If you want to see where it goes, hold space for their feelings without taking it personally.

  • If your sexual chemistry has changed, this isn’t always about you or your relationship. There are many external contributing factors as to why this could be happening such as stress, health issues, emotional blocks, self-worth, hormone health, and grief…just to name a few. TALK about this with your partner and ask them what they need more of!

  • CALM is safe. You might not be familiar with feeling this way with someone before. But if you’re noticing the itch to create drama or you’re feeling bored when they’re not actually boring, it may be because your nervous system is used to more chaos and drama. STICK this one out, look at how your body wants to create stress and work with an external source (this could be me) to help you process what you’re feeling in your body.

Triggers and trauma are something we ALL have. These things shape how you see the world around you, especially your relationships until you heal your reactions.

The main thing I invite you to consider; sometimes, someone's behaviour isn’t because of YOU. Check-in and talk to the person you’re getting to know. You never know how healing a particular person can be for you…

Have you ever left because of these issues? Do you struggle to know if it's a genuine red flag or if your trauma acting out? Let me know in the comments.

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