Is He Partner Oriented or Single-Minded Pt. 3 (Are You Relationship Material?!)

Ladies, it takes two to tango. As much as we want to blame men for our problems in relationships, we have to do the uncomfortable look in the mirror to determine if, maybe, our stuff is getting in the way of a partnership.

What I see most commonly is that women struggle to be specific about what they want their ideal relationship to look like because they assume they know it when they feel it.

This flow tends to get women stuck in situation-ships because they catch feelings when they’re having sex. It’s natural. Sex bonds us. But we so quickly forget how to keep a hold of our standards, needs and boundaries when dating. And don’t get me started on why you don’t know your needs… (Hint… it's because you then don’t have to set boundaries and can go with the flow and end up blaming him for being a “bad guy”…yikes!)

So, back to you, here are your signs to know if you’re partner oriented & ready for a relationship:

•You let him pay and say thank you

•You are comfortable communicating your needs, desires and preferences (This doesn’t mean it’s easy, but you’re willing to try your best to speak honestly and from the heart.)

•You have made space in your home for him (Quite literally. If you don’t have room in your closet, how can you expect him to move in?)

•You willingly compliment or appreciate him

•You respect and have forgiven both your parents for childhood wounds

•You have a consistent self-care regime (Sticking to self-care is vital, and being in the habit of it before a relationship will help you stay centred within yourself and your needs.)

•You do not score keep or track his behaviours (Yes, even in your head. This breeds resentment, which turns to contempt- which is a relationship killer. )

•You talk to him about your shared future 

•You know how to express yourself vulnerably

•You invite him to meet your friends and family, and when he’s not there, you praise him (Talking shit about your relationship/man behind your back will only make you and your friends not trust him. Please note that this is different from processing your feelings.)

•You are capable of receiving gifts, attention and praise with no discomfort

•You assume the best in men in general rather than the worst

•You honour your body and do not participate in sex outside of commitment (Don’t come at me. Have all the casual sex you want- IF you don’t want a relationship. If you do, then be aware of how you are relating before sex hormones cloud your judgement.)

•You have no problem trusting him to take the lead, even when you know you can (His leadership is a turn-on to you, not a threat.)

•You are willing to show interest in his interests

•You are comfortable communicating through conflict

•You hold yourself in high esteem and to a high standard (You know your worth and will end something that does not align with your standards.)

Signs that you are more single-minded:

•You want to split the bill or offer to pay (Here and there is not the same as all the time. 50/50 relationships are not 100/100 relationships, and small things like this lead to scorekeeping.)

•You want to fix him or help him with his problems (This leads to mothering or being his therapist and often includes you forgetting about yourself. It's emasculating and ruins your sex life long term.)

•You gossip with friends, saying, “There are no good men out there.”

•You aren’t comfortable with your feelings or being vulnerable

•You assume if he loved you, he “should just know” your needs ( This does not make him incompetent. It makes you a poor communicator.)

•You’re okay with having a situation-ship and tell yourself you’re ok with casual sex (Babes, your body is a temple- you hold a portal to awakening between your legs. Be the goddess you are!)

•You have a complicated or unsafe relationship with your father

•You don’t think like a team or assume you’ll have to do it all yourself (This is a sign you do not trust him.)

•You struggle to let him take care of you and rarely ask for help (Highly independent women attract highly independent men, and these types do not make a good team together.)

•You think less of men in general, unconsciously not respecting them (If you hold unhealed pain points, it’s going to unconsciously impact who you attract and how you trust him.)

•You don’t compromise and struggle to communicate through conflict 

•You don’t invite him to join you in your hobbies or out with friends

•You either have low self-esteem, thinking you can’t get anyone, or you have an inflated ego, thinking no one is good enough for you

•You have your guard up around your heart (If you’re trying to protect yourself all the time, it’s gonna be pretty damn hard to help someone into your heart.)

It’s important to remember that you attract in the vibration you are at. When I was more single-minded and independent, I brought that type in. You like to label this type of man as emotionally unavailable - when the reality is- you are. Are you available to be fully seen, share your life with another, and create a unit with someone- even if that means on your terms as a couple? (Notice I’m not saying how to do that; you both have to simply be on the same page, and intention and mindset are the keys to partnership)

My relationships didn’t work until I learned to welcome a partner in to SHARE my life with. I imagined him in my world and didn’t settle until I found him.

My gosh, on my first date with my partner, he asked me if I had any food sensitivities because he was getting us sushi for our picnic. If you know me, I do have quite a few sensitivities…so when I told him, he went above and beyond to get me black rice sushi because it has less gluten than white rice. Ladies…this level of attention and care is what you deserve!!

A true partnership won’t ever work until you are ready to share yourself and your life with another. Team means together. This can be challenging if you have been single for a long time or you’ve been burned time and time again…but trust me, you are capable of the love you desire. He is waiting for you!

Are you single and unsure how to attract a ready partner?

Are you single and want to prepare to get ready for a partner?

Are you in a relationship, and after reading this, you’re questioning if he is capable of being your life partner?

Are you in a relationship and considering if you are capable of being his life partner?

I would love to support you in answering all these questions and more. This work requires one-on-one support to help you uncover the nuance of your individual needs and desires so that we can shift into alignment to attract exactly what your heart is yearning for. Are you ready? You can book a free discovery call here with me today.