Is He Partner Oriented or Single-Minded Pt. 2
I have worked with women for over ten years, and as a woman myself know that sometimes we kinda suck at knowing the “right guy” to date or even marry! Admittedly, I married a very single-minded man. (If you haven’t read part 1 of this series, go back because I share some JUICY examples in it) Women tend to catch feelings before getting their commitment, which is a slippery slope to getting hurt in the long run. Knowing the signs and behaviours is important to know if a man is ready to be a partner, especially if you want a relationship.
And shocker- it’s completely normal to date with the intention of finding a relationship.
And yes, it is OK to mention what you’re looking for. “I am dating with the goal of finding a relationship. I’m not sure if that is you yet, but I’d love to figure it out and see!” If that scares him…well, girl, that’s your first sign he ISN’T for you.
Alright, so, what signs do you want to look for when you’re dating to know if they are partner-oriented?
Does he offer to pay?
He walks beside you or opens doors for you (See my viral IG post on this here)
Does he ask you what you like to eat before he decides and then orders that just in case you don’t like what you ordered?
After a few months together, is he making long-term plans with you, mentioning a future? (ie, are you official yet? Is he planning trips or mentioning a desire to go to events with you months or years in the future.)
He won’t compete with you, score-keep and treats you like a teammate (i.e., instead of saying things like “I did this for you last time, it’s your turn.” he says, “I’d really appreciate your help with ____” or he just does it again without complaint.)
He praises your successes and is proud of you, showing you off to his friends and family
He uses “we” language instead of “me” language
Compromise is easy for you both
He works towards his goals for both of you
He loves his family and respects his parents (No one has a perfect family, but if he talks poorly about them or is still harbouring resentments, that will impact how he views relationships AND you. Especially if the pain points are towards his mother.)
He shares with you the last bite
He considers your happiness his happiness (This is another way of NOT scorekeeping. He desires to make you feel happy because it makes him feel like a good partner. He’s not doing it “for you” he’s doing it for “US.”)
He willingly helps you around the home or does his best to make your life easier
He is willing to show interest in your hobbies
How do you know he’s single-minded?
He always has to be in the lead or be right (i.e., I had this with my ex-husband, and let’s just say I lost myself and my voice, and we always had nit-picky arguments over the pettiest things, and this ate away at our happiness.)
His friends and coworkers don’t know much about you (ie, A man who is proud to be with you most likely has you saved as his background photo on his phone…just saying.)
He doesn’t remember your preferences
He doesn’t check in with how you feel regularly
He never talks about the future with you, only about his career
He sees you when it works for him, not when you need (i.e., If you have to ask if he is free or feel like you’re bothering him when you want to see him or he’s “too busy,” he isn’t considering you or your partnership.)
He gets jealous and competitive with other men and women, including you
He talks to you with mostly sexual innuendos or jokes, never sharing vulnerably (This man is not emotionally mature enough for you. Trust me.)
He often wanders ahead of you, forgetting to hold your hand (This is a sign that he does not think it’s his role as the man to protect you or make sure you’re ok. Even though you do not NEED protection, this subtle behaviour shows that he is putting his safety and interests ahead of yours.)
Comes home with a treat for himself, but not you
Most conversations revolve around him and his issues
He disrespects his parents
He leads with physical touch or sex (The man who comes on hot and heavy is rarely thinking about a relationship. The man who sees you as life partner material is in NO RUSH to have sex.)
He doesn’t make solid plans with you and prefers to go with the flow (I’ve been with this type, and I was always wondering when I’d see him next and saving my weekends for him just in case he wanted to see me, and it sucked.)
He takes more than a few hours to respond to a text message or phone call unless he’s at work or busy with friends
He gets defensive, angry or dismissive when you share what you want and need in your relationship (Your needs and feelings are not too much for the right person. It’s that simple.)
**The most important one: He tells you he isn’t ready for a relationship, struggles with commitment or cannot admit he wants to have a partner. So often, I hear women ignore this one simple thing because they believe they can change him into wanting to be with them. Believe him when he says he’s not ready, he can’t, or he is being wishy-washy— this man isn’t relationship material!
Now, there are additional components you need to consider. It’s all fine and good to look for the signs in HIM, but have you looked at the signs in you? Relationships take TWO ready people.
Read part 3 here to learn if you are partner-oriented or single-minded…this may surprise you!!
