JOURNEY BACK TO SELF:

The blog

Reflections with Rachele 

 

I’m growing he isn’t.

I’m scared we will grow apart.

Are we?

Why do I have to do all the emotional work?

It’s not fair.

He doesn’t get it.


I’m so tired of having to ask for my needs.

He should just know by now.

He should do the work like me.

Then I’ll feel safe, to trust myself.


The feminine has a huge desire to deeply tap into her emotions her spirituality and the depths of her soul. It's a deep calling of hers. This is often why the feminine loves workshops, personal growth books, self-care practices, coaching, therapy etc...


AND then it happens.

The fear hits.


“What if all the growth I am doing will push me further away from my partner? I thought this would bring us closer when in fact I’m terrified it's showing me how different we really are. I don’t know if he can handle me…”


What this person is really saying… “I don’t know if I feel safe to fully surrender into the vastness that is my own feminine essence so I will continue to tell the story to myself he is unsafe and that’s why I can’t”


When in fact the surefire way for your masculine partner to tap more into his masculine is to surrender to your full feminine expression. Get messy, be emotional, satiate your desires, express your pleasure, share your delight, be playful, allow him to lead the way.

When you lead with your heart it invites him to lead with his mission.

Masculine work doesn’t look the same as feminine. So stop trying to make him do the work like you.


You think you want your man all up in his feelings when in actuality you want him to be all up in his mission and purpose. Let him grow in partnership WITH you as you grow. And trust his process, and trust yours!

This is a question I often get asked. What is the difference? Which one will benefit me more? How can I get where I want to go?



Before we start let me share a little backstory... My understanding and training taught me that a Life Coach looks at what is going on for you right now, helps you set some goals and then works with you to achieve them. It can be fast-paced, high energy for a high reward if you are willing and capable to do the work it takes in between sessions, keep yourself accountable and are comfortable being uncomfortable through the change. . A Life Coach does not dive deeply into emotions and a Life Coach doesn't work with your past at all.


A Counsellor holds space for whatever is coming up for you at that moment whether it be past trauma or just a bad day you need to vent about. A Counsellor can also work with you on setting goals and help you achieve them, however, a counsellor can also spend time in the emotions of things and help you dig through why you are stuck; most likely it is something from your past. A Counsellor tends to be more focused on talk therapy and patience to help you come to your own resolve, however long that takes and a Coach will direct you more, offer solutions and challenge you to push your edges to create change.

Both have lots of value, and sometimes we need both.


Oftentimes when people think they want a Coach they really need time with their past traumas, wounds and those things that are keeping them stuck. They think a coach is what will help them process when in fact if you're processing emotions and working with the past I believe this needs to be e responsibly done with a professional therapist or Counsellor who has been trauma-informed and will not cause more damage while you're healing.


I feel truly blessed to have training in both modalities. In fact, I would call myself a former Professional Therapist turned HOLISTIC Coach. The reason I've shifted my focus to Coaching is that I enjoy the pace, flexibility and type of clientele I work with as a coach. I personally am very "solution-focused" and this works well when coaching. However, the added bonus is that when a client of mine does go into their feelings and want to process their past, we can do that together too. I see the whole human, we look at all the blocks from the past and then we can propel forward, together.

I must mention, that there are a lot of Coaches out there that are not trained very in-depth and rely on personal life experience. I do not intend to discredit anyone's natural abilities and I will say, please use your discernment and interview anyone you decide to work with. Always ask your Counsellor or Coach what personal work they do for themselves and if they're comfortable referring you to someone else to give added support. (I personally have a roster of referrals for clients when they come up against a block I do not think I am the best most educated person to fix!) The second most important piece is you must feel safe and connect with your Coach or Counsellor, trust your intuitive feelings when you're connecting with them, and if something feels off, you CAN name it- we always appreciate feedback!

At the end of the day, the benefit you get from receiving support is directly correlated to the work you put in on your own time. Are you truly willing to try something new or just need validation and a pick-me-up? If you want to try something new, work with a Coach. If you want a "pick-me-up" work with a Counsellor. And if you want BOTH, feel free to chat with me!


Your investment in yourself will always have a huge payoff!


To summarize,

A Counsellor looks at anything and everything that is coming up for you and holds space for whatever emotions may arise. A Counsellor can look into the past as little or as much as the client is willing. (if they are trained like me, which is client-centred)

A Life Coach looks at what is happening now and helps you set goals to move forward. A Coach works collaboratively with you to create a lifestyle unique to your needs while keeping you accountable.



I hear this time and time again, "I don't want to be a bother." And I repeat to my clients, time and time again "It takes more energy to hold space than to take up space."


I’m sorry you were brushed aside for minimized when you were in your feels as a child.


This is what you need to hear if you’re worried you’re a bother, think you're too much and would rather listen than make any requests.


However, you likely tend to be exhausted and burnt out from listening, from adapting to other's needs and maybe you even get frustrated because you “lose yourself” in relationships.


If this sounds like you, holy crap my friend, I too have been here. 🫂


•I wore so many masks I didn’t know who I was.

•I was nice just to avoid conflict.

•I was adaptable because I never believed I could truly get what I wanted.

•I cried behind closed doors.

•I only opened up to people after years and years of connection.

•I was (over) functioning with chronic fatigue syndrome from repressing myself, minimizing myself, pushing/forcing myself to be a yes when really I was a no.


What I didn’t realize is that I needed to output more. I needed to be heard, seen, and to EXPRESS. There was this deep soul knowing that I had something important to say, and that urge burned so deep inside of me I finally let it out.


I want to help you release your fears, stop people-pleasing and feel like you have healthy empowered reciprocal relationships. Msg me if you’re curious to dive deep into this work with me.💗