The Lie of Escape: Why True Freedom Comes from Stability, Not Running Away
I remember when I was grieving, I wanted to burn it all down and do something bold to FEEL alive again. Skydive, move to Bali, get a tattoo…
That same feeling circles back over and over again when I get bored with my routine. That dopamine hunt for escape. The idea that if I go somewhere new, I will feel freer.
But the truth? In the last five years, I've had to learn a major lesson in stillness and the slow, stable burn of growth. That the real transformation isn’t in the big moves or bold escapes. It’s in the staying. The ordinary. The devotion.
This is a love letter and a mirror for the silently suffering performer. The one who appears put together but is quietly drowning under the weight of her own responsibilities. The one who secretly wonders if she’s built a life she wants to run away from.
Here’s the transmission that came through at 4am:
The path to freedom is through stability and sustainability.
Are you seeking freedom or do you just want to run away and have no responsibilities?
If you cannot access peace within your own home and need a vacation in order to relax, if you struggle to maintain a routine in your own daily life, if you don’t like being “told what to do,” if the only time you access the feeling of liberation is when you’re alone...
What you’re actually seeking is autonomy and agency.
You likely grew up feeling like life was happening to you instead of for you. You felt your voice was rarely heard, and you didn’t have a choice or a say.
So now, when you take on the role of leader, manager, mom, partner... all these roles you orchestrated to be in charge, you resent having the responsibility, but you like having the semblance of control. Because at least when you're in charge, it feels like your choice.
But if you're always looking for an escape route, if you fantasize about burning it all down and running away, doing something bold and drastic to “start over,” there is a bigger lesson at play here.
Freedom and space aren't the same thing.
Escape is avoidance. A flight response in the nervous system. Often stemming from a long-term freeze response. A lifetime of performative, perfectionistic, good and responsible, helpful daughter syndrome.
You want to leave because:
It feels easier than looking at why you’ve been letting others' needs take your autonomy
It feels easier than admitting you’ve not been showing up for your self-care
It feels easier then owning the overworking, overdoing, overperforming to feel validated
It feels easier than facing your part in what you’ve been creating
You’ve convinced yourself that a different environment will magically make you healthier and more aligned
But freedom isn’t found on a beach sipping margaritas. That’s a dopamine hit of novelty and a temporary permission slip to have fun. It’s a band-aid that gets soggy and falls off in the pool.
Because inevitably, when you come "home," within a few weeks, you start craving the same things again.
And then you wonder why this pattern isn’t working, why you are so exhausted. Why your job, your family, your partner all trigger you. Why can’t you seem to feel as good as when you’re away from it all?
The uncomfortable truth? Freedom isn’t escape. Freedom is in the simple, the mundane, and the stable day-to-day routine of life.
True inner peace comes when you:
Keep your promises to yourself
Follow through with your self-care routines
Take your supplements, move your body, rest when needed
Eat food that makes you feel satiated, not just feeds a craving
Say no. Speak up when you’re uncomfortable. Honour your intuition
When you start doing this consistently, your nervous system begins to trust you. Your wild feminine, your untamable inner child, your badass, cycle-breaking leader self... they finally feel safe. Safe enough to dance.
You stop running. You start returning.
Because the ember inside you isn’t there to push and power through, it’s not there to keep you cycling in escapism.
It’s there to help you remember who you are. To devote to yourself, your voice, your desires, your body, your needs.
So that when you show up in the not-so-sexy but fully supportive rituals of daily self-care, the ember grows into a steady flame.
A flame that lights the way to:
Honest conversations with your partner
Saying yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no
Ditching “cheat days” and creating a lifestyle that supports your truth
Living in your alignment, your rhythm, your beat
You’re no longer running to free yourself. You’re staying to liberate yourself.
This is what’s possible. A life you don’t need a vacation from. A life where your daily rhythm works for you. A life where your frequency is tuned to your own theme song.
You’ve found your peace, your rhythm, your beat. And you dance with life. Feel joy in your body. Feeling the pleasure of peace.
Let’s create that life. Together.
Check out my 3-stage coaching program, curated based on YOU and your needs, your dreams and your nervous system. Let’s build a life you don’t need a vacation from. Learn More HERE.
