What Your Coach's Mother Wound Has To Do With You

Have you ever asked your coach and therapist what their relationship is like with their mother?

Probably not.

So I'm gonna let you in on a few signs to be aware of.

A woman who has unresolved pain from a lack of love from her mother will have a hard time believing in you, holding space for you and trusting your process.

Why?

Because her mother made her question all those things within herself.

She will have a forceful way to "be in your feminine" and push you into growth that can be triggering and painful instead of loving and graceful.

She will have a bias about your friendships, family life and the way she positions herself in your life. (She likely wants to be your alpha.)

Why is this?

Because girls who had a mom who neglected, criticized, competed with and flat out emotionally manipulated them are often women who think women are out to get them.

So these women either turn SUPER alpha, kinda like the "mean girl" Regina George so that they can cut people out who don't follow her rules (before they get hurt)… OR they turn into bitter, self-critical, melancholy perfectionists that no one can ever measure up to their standards, so they isolate, intellectualize and try to be the smartest one in the room.

OR they become the super pleaser, trying to constantly bring women together to fill the void in her heart. She tries to make everyone love her for all that she can do for them, putting her friends and relationships above her own needs in fear of abandonment.

Here is the plot twist: You can be a great coach, therapist and space holder for women if you have a complicated relationship with your mom, IF YOU ARE AWARE of its impact, bias and if you've let yourself be loved by women.

This is often why I trigger the shit out of the Alpha Female and the bitter Betty. Little Miss Pleaser LOVES me. WHY? Because I am truly blessed to say that I do not have a sisterhood or mother wound. It's rare.

My mom loves me, encourages me, believes in me, compliments me and genuinely wants the best for me.

Did I have a traumatic childhood? YUP.
Did I ever doubt my mom's love? NEVER.

This is why I believe wholeheartedly that my role is to show women how to receive love. All different kinds. Because I know what's possible when my clients believe in themselves.

Let's take my client Sarah. She met me in the depths of addiction recovery, almost homeless, and within under a year she was working as the front desk person at the women's centre I volunteered at. I NEVER doubted her capacity and ability to succeed and held space for her immensely layered childhood trauma.

Or let's take Tiffany. She met me after every therapist and psychiatrist told her she was helpless. Chronically depressed and riddled with OCD from childhood abuse, she felt seen and loved by me, because I never stopped believing in her potential. Within 2 years she was off all medication, back talking to her mom, back in the dating world and working full time after being on disability for depression.

Or let's take Jenn. She met me as a therapist herself who was trying to support her elderly narcissistic mother. So many layers of abuse and manipulation needed to be held and grieved, and to this day she's now able to hold loving boundaries with her family all while having her own successful private practice.

Let's take Jackie, type A, miss perfectionist who was succeeding in university but never had her mother protect her, despite the fact she knew the abuse going on at home. After 8 months of support, she was able to lean back into her feminine energy, receive support from both parents and let her husband show up for her in all the ways she longed for.

I share these stories because I don't think Tiffany would have been able to visit her mom, or Jenn take care of her mother, had they been receiving support from someone whose own bias would have said "cut them out."

Not to mention rushing the process. Many of these women took their time and I never pushed MY agenda that they had to repair. Trust me, I also have a client, Amanda, who, for her own health and well-being, had to cut off an emotionally abusive mom.

But I believe that these women were able to shift their frequency to soften towards their mothers. This is because they were able to soften toward themselves.

If you want to be loved into leadership, loved into your next level of growth, loved through the transition you're in, I got you.